Updated: Aug 14, 2018
Dear heterosexual guys, please don’t complain when all the females friendzone you – one of the reasons might have been a selfless choice to take it as the bad guy instead after all she went through and tries to keep you safe from her grips of death, technically.
BY ELIZABETH RAISA TEE
Hello my homies and guy friends, you are safe, I can assure you that. Because nothing is more visually and painfully satisfying in my imagery to have sliced your cock off like how I slice cucumbers for my salad from your being with my katana all these years – if, you’re not
considered as one of my homies.
Perhaps it’s because of my long-lasting resentment towards the news on TV where daughters, small girls, nieces, students, are reported to have been sexually harassed or raped by their fathers, uncles, and classmates.
I bro everyone. I love my bros a lot. They’re my support system. I have this big-brother
complex anyway. I’ve always wanted a big brother to protect me. But since I’m the only
Asian female daughter, I needed to be my own big and little sibling and I learnt it the
very hard way.
A ‘me’ in Indonesia is a rare breed. It does return to one's upbringing by the parents.
I would’ve become a princess as the only child, in all honesty, but my savage parents brought me up with trousers and golf sticks ‘in case someone will want to kidnap you, you can run faster’, advised mum when I was aged 7, us living as a minority in our own country.
Little did I know exactly why – if I didn’t bro you, it means you’re on my Death Note, or you’re someone that I fancy and I cannot make sex jokes to because I don’t want to fish the impressions of it at all and get all embarrassing because the base of my relationship wouldn’t be on survival instincts but of your vast intellect. But I love sex jokes because it is downright hilarious, and if I didn’t do it then it means you’ve receive my veneration to you as a heterosexual male.
Plus, I get to think like one of the bros – how they navigate their ladies, their dating life,
their sexual preferences, I get to know everything on how guys think.
And I get to do it comfortably, I get to sit comfortably, I could joke and shout and eat as
much as I’d like without being conscious ‘oh what would he think of me of my 7th plate
and, that I know I could rest a little knowing they don’t see me as a girl.
For I keep reminding them that‘I’m not a girl, I’m a dude’ and they continue on the joke. So as long as they see me that way, I felt comfortably safe. And my racks are finally left untouched.
That’s just one of the other armours to I’ve formed in mind.
Anthropologically speaking, I have found solace and sanctuary in the arms and hugs of
my beautiful gay friends. Therefore, their personalities and traits are something I look
for in a heterosexual male, where he is attuned to his feminine side without shame; he
could be nerdy and he doesn’t mind showing it off; he’s still a guy by right by taking
home a girl in one piece respectfully without expecting anything from the first date
(unless the female consents, absolutely her choice).
The domino effect is that I tend to gravitate and fall for these heterosexual-looking
males who is incredibly polite, intelligent, and is passionate in what he does. My last
account to fancy on this architect I met at an overseas Design Expo ends up down-
spiralling once again – he’s actually got a long-term partner. I’ve given up by now since I
Throughout my years, I ended up fancying guys who turned out to be gay. This factual
statistics of almost 95% makes everyone laugh, including myself. It’s almost like every
year I end up saying, “Oh guys just got a confirmation, X is actually gay”.
You should be able to do the math after reading my story, perhaps. I am seeking a level
of respect and levels of comfort that I can just finally drop this armour, and I hope you readers are able to find that equilibrium with a someone that respects you, if not, more than yourself and feel all lovely because absolutely without a doubt deserve it.
About the Author
Elizabeth Raisa Tee is the founder of Perempuan Tagar Tegar (P#T) , a non-profit movement and online hotline for all your female toxic issues and also currently serves as assistant producer of It’s A Girl Thing Live,, the first international girl empowerment conference in Jakarta after Singapore and Manila, among the many other things she’s done and still runs in several cities and countries. She is aged 25 at the time of writing.